Be the Coconut 🥥
“I think that the heart is a lot like those wonderful fruit, like coconut and mangoes, you know, you have to break the skin, you have to break it open to get to the good part. ”
It’s crisp outside. I am bleary-eyed, jet-lagged and slow-moving, even though I slept until almost 7 am this morning, and the sunrise is spectacular. The house is still, and all is well as my youngest is tucked inside his blankets upstairs. Miss Mosa, who desperately needs a bath, is snuggled on her perch on the couch cushion next to me. My warm lemon water is creating steam that feels like a warm embrace and a burst of sunshine simultaneously.
This past month or so, I have occupied a space of mostly bliss. Which seems unreal to me. How did my life become so unbelievably amazing? What have I done to deserve such magic?
It's as though a light switch has been flipped back on. Yet, the truth is, it's not just one thing but a series of gentle nudges and reminders of my true self and what ignites my passion.
It's putting my health first and focusing on functional movement and fun fitness.
It's hiking and spending time in nature.
It's finding support in an art community.
It’s watching my friend’s son say “I do” in the desert.
It’s flying to Ireland by myself for an art retreat and finding soul sisters.
It's joining a Mastermind group.
It’s putting myself in the hot seat.
It's pushing through my fear and placing three pieces of art in a gallery.
It’s feeling good in my body and my mind.
It’s showing up for myself.
It's saying yes to everything, even the scary things.
It’s trusting I am on the right path.
It’s sitting with Balder, the devilish smiley Shaman, and learning to “Be the Coconut”.
It wasn’t an instant transformation, I put one foot in front of the other and persisted step by step, gently moving forward. Many, many micro-steps. Simply committing to the practice of writing 1000 words a day has been enough to propel me along this journey. Blocking off time for movement and actually getting onto the mat, even for 5 minutes nudges me gently forward. While I may not have a clear destination in mind, I trust that I'm on the right path. If there is a roadblock, I'm confident in my ability to pivot and find new routes.
Everything I have endured and learned has reached an inflection point in this exact place in space and time. The time is now to harness the force that is whispering to me to step into my purpose. And through introspection, I've come to realize that my calling has always been to be...
OF SERVICE.
All along, my purpose has been staring me in the face - I simply chose not to listen. Admittedly, I wasn’t thrilled with “of Service” as my purpose. I thought “Service” meant self-sacrificing my well-being. I yearned for something more jazzy, more exhilarating - a purpose that sparkled with creativity, like becoming a mixed media artist or New York Times bestselling author. Or perhaps something daring like being an adventure traveler, or being an activist and fighting for climate justice. Anything else seemed somehow better.
For those of you familiar with the Enneagram - I am a Two, “The Helper”. In hindsight, this should have been a clear indicator of my purpose. Had I fully embraced and accepted this role earlier, recognizing that my purpose is indeed to serve others, I think I wouldn’t have struggled as much.
For those of you questioning your purpose, it often lies in the things you naturally do. It doesn’t have to be grandiose or seem significant; it just has to be authentically you. Perhaps you capture beauty with your photography or art. Maybe you excel at debate and you create change through inquiry. Are you a chef and you nourish others. A comedian, spreading laughter and joy. Do you facilitate connections between people and ideas? Do you birth businesses? Do you spread love and kindness in the world, or teach, coach, heal, listen, strengthen or entertain others?
Anyway, I hope you get the idea. (Back to me)
Serving my family and putting everyone else first often felt like a jail sentence. It was lonely at times and exhausting mostly. I felt this way because I wasn’t in a healthy place. I felt trapped and convinced that I had no alternative, which is just not true. My thoughts trapped me.
I falsely believed society didn’t value individuals who choose to stay home and that output and capitalism are supreme.
Now, I know, taking care of my family is noble and worthwhile work.
Since I didn’t feel staying home was valuable, I overdid many things to feel worth.
I needed to be needed.
In my quest for validation, I pushed myself to extremes. I wore myself out taking care of others and handling everything alone, I created needs to fulfill and robbed others of the self-satisfaction of taking care of themselves. I hovered and meddled and made myself indispensable. (Wow, that is like a splash of cold water.)
I made it my “Job”.
It was all in the name of love. So, it's okay, right?
It wasn’t.
I'm slowly breaking free from the grip of old habits and patterns. For too long, my tendency to take care of everyone and everything was a burdensome cycle. Helping others provided a false sense of validation with a side of serotonin hit. I am confronting my mistakes, unraveling my limiting beliefs, and softening my blind spots.
I am learning. I did my best with the tools I had at the time. I got some things right, while others could have been handled better, and others were downright self-destructive.
Yet, isn’t this the essence of our existence?
Aren’t we here to evolve and to love? To find our edges and push past them?
It's about navigating life's complexities, striving to improve, all while extending compassion and love to those in our lives.
Just don’t forget to love yourself.
Being of service encompasses many facets. I can express my service through art, writing, adventure, and be a fighter for climate justice - simply by being authentically me.
Thanks to Balder, a Mexican shaman I met on my travels, my new mantra, “Be the coconut,” holds profound power for me. Revered as “God's Fruit” in many cultures, the coconut embodies wisdom.
What do coconuts teach us?
They fall to the ground and lie there, containing 100% of the information needed to blossom into the nourishing fruit that they become. Across cultures, the coconut carries spiritual significance. Each part symbolizes different facets of human nature.
The outer shell symbolizes protection and ego. Breaking it open signifies shedding pride and arrogance, a symbol that nothing lasts forever.
The soft, pulpy inside represents our heart, inviting us to open to compassion and love.
The water inside symbolizes purity, cleansing our souls.
Coconuts simply exist, effortlessly in service to the world. They need not perform; they need only be themselves.
Much like people, no two coconuts are alike. Each coconut is unique, from its size and shape to its individual characteristics. Just as coconuts start as small seeds and evolve into mature fruits over time, people undergo personal growth and development throughout our lives. We learn from experiences, overcome challenges, and cultivate our own distinct personalities and qualities, ultimately becoming stronger and wiser individuals.
They are perfect.
And, so are we!