In Between Sangha
Sanctuary, Omega Institute, Rhinebeck, NY
At the moment, I’m sitting in my fathers arm chair, by an enormous floor to ceiling window, sipping tea, looking out the window, reflecting and watching the morning dew floating above the milky gray water as the sun rises. I just finished a deep meditation and a dive within.
Yesterday, I had an almost mystical experience that helped remind me, YES, it’s true - “The Universe Has Our Back”! (Even when we doubt that truth)
The past few weeks have been an intense period of of time. (Both beautiful and ugly) I’ve witnessed love, beauty, illness, heartbreak, kindness, selflessness, patterns, mental illness, fear, loss, heroism, miracles, pain and compassion.
These beautiful and ugly experiences have sparked my curiosity around what exactly is connection, community and friendship? How do I cultivate these things? Where do they reside in my heart and in my life?? These are big concepts that have seemed illusive and unattainable to me at times.
Through a series a happenstances, I landed in a community meditation class near my son’s school at lunchtime yesterday. (Before COVID)
I learned about the class 15 minutes before start time. I was being “called” to do so, even though it seemed impossible to make it there on time. When the universe has our backs, lights are green, parking spaces magically appear, doors open, people in your path lead the way. All of which allowed me to arrive at the precise time.
Immediately, I knew I was meant to be there. It was a simple and sparse space. With hardwood floors, white walls, yoga mats, blankets, blocks, props all neatly arranged on shelves. On The floor, in a circle, surrounding a basket and sound bowl, were 10 blankets, neatly placed, each with a meditation pillow on top, inviting participants to have a seat.
I was greeted with warm smiles. It was clear, I had stepped into a community that had open hearts. With a glance, I noticed the people were diverse in culture, age, health and gender. The leader welcomed me, as I was a new comer. She explained the format, 20 minutes of sitting, 10 minute walking meditation, return to mats for 10 more minutes of sitting, followed by a reading that is chosen by someone, and 15 minutes of sharing by the group. I was all in!!
She also mentioned they practice “Sangha”. I was familiar with the concept, but had never intentionally practiced it.
Here is a description... “Thich Nhat Hanh, Vietnamese Buddhist monk and peace activist, has described sangha as a “beloved community.” (2)Whether the sangha is a family or larger community, it includes people who are engaged in serving and bringing joy to one another, and who inspire each other to contribute. Hanh stresses the contribution of every individual to the community, and of the community to the greater world.”
As I settled onto my mat, a familiar ritual, gratitude welled within me, because I felt a profound connection to those sitting with me and to the vast cosmos beyond. Amidst this connection, I also acknowledged my pain, uncertainties, and imperfections, fostering a sense of compassion and acceptance toward myself.
After 40 minutes of meditating. The bell sounded. We all slowly emerged from beyond back into the room as the leader carefully placed four books, from the basket, in the middle of the circle. Two of the books I was familiar with, both written by Thich Nhat Hanh. She invited a participant, any of us, if we felt compelled, to choose one reading from one of the books.
A woman, about 70 years old, choose one of the books I recognized.
She began reading a beautiful passage on friendship. A passage written by Thich Nhat Hanh. A passage that spoke to my very core. A passage that answered the questions that had been swirling around in my body, brain and cells. A passage that mimicked, just that morning, what a friend was explaining to me. He had explained that out of the top two things for happiness in this world include -
1. Deep relationships with others, and that you have someone to call in the middle of the night, who will support you unconditionally, without judgement.
2. You experience authentic interactions on a daily basis. These could be with anyone, a cashier, postman, someone walking on the street. You feel seen and interact with others and are not isolated or alone.
As I sat there and listened to the passage, I was in complete and utter awe. Awe, because of the approximately 2000 pages between the 4 books, that this one passage found it’s way to me, by accident, on this morning when I did not intend, nor expect, to be sitting on this floor with this group of people in this moment.
After the reading, the sharing began. Each person contributed. Everyone had a story of friendship, Sangha. I too contributed how I know when I am connected to the universe, and I am on the right path, when everything effortlessly points me in the right direction to answer difficult questions, unpack painful experiences and quells deep doubt and fear. Especially, when it bashes me on the head, blatantly reminds me I’m loved, I’m exactly where I need to be, warts and all.
One gentleman talked about being a “76 years old black man”. His closest friend was a “34 year old Ethiopian woman”. He told the story of how they met during a snow storm as she unsuccessfully tried to park her car in a snow bank. It was a funny, charming story of neighbors looking out for each other. Of finding friendship in the most unlikely circumstances. Of feeling loved and connected. Of watching someone transform into a wife and mother, yet still have a place in their heart for you. About remembering and celebrating birthdays. About shared meals. About finding joy and appreciating what is right in front of you.
His story moved me to tears. His story was the elixir I needed for healing. I walked out of that room, into the cool air, somehow transformed. Somehow stronger. My humanness embraced.
Why am I telling you all this? Why am I writing this at the crack of dawn?
I am searching for closure. I don’t want to feel less than, rejected and unwanted. I am flipping the script to feel whole, alive and grateful. I am transforming the painful experiences and destructive thoughts patterns that don’t serve me any longer.
We are not broken. We are perfect and whole. We’re destined to experience a life that’s beautiful, painful, messy and gritty at times. Hopefully, we can find grace in the chaos as we uncover the unexpected answers and heal.
When you meet others, and ask them to join you on your path, open your hearts and arms welcoming them into the fold. Without judgement and fear, from a place of wholeness.